one month old

Today my baby is one month old. Yesterday I was able to hold her for the first time in two weeks. I held her until my arms felt like they were going to give. She looked into my eyes and feel asleep in my arms, it was heaven! It gave me strength for the horribly depressing meeting Brian and I had with the cardiologists. They told us they believe eventually Dahlia will need a heart transplant. They want us to come to a decision, if the time comes, to proceed with a transplant, or bring her home to spend what little time she has left with us, under the care of hospice. A heart transplant sounds like the natural choice a parent would make. However, a transplanted heart in a young baby, on average lasts only about 10 - 15 years, and the process and operation on a baby so young can be very brutal and can take a huge emotional toll on the family. We have a very hard decision to make. I was able to hold it together during the meeting without a single tear. However, once I got back to Dahlia's room I cried and cried, it seems like I have been doing a lot of that lately.

living in a night mare

For almost two weeks I have been living in a nightmare that there is no escape from or waking up from. Ever since October 10th my sweet, precious baby has been in the pediatric intensive care unit hooked up to all sorts of tubes, fighting for her life. On Saturday, October 9th Dahlia seemed very lethargic and refused to eat. Later that evening she was having trouble breathing and lost all of her color. That was when she was rushed to the emergency room. The doctors there thought she might have some kind of infection. The next day she was transferred to Memorial Children's Hospital in Houston. What I once thought was a curable infection has now been diagnosed as a congenital heart defect and she might be in need of a heart transplant. Her condition is extremely rare and is called Left Ventricular Non-Compaction. The doctors are hoping they can help her heart with the use of medications if that fails her only hope would be a heart transplant. Yesterday she was taken off her ventilator and the doctors are hopeful, but she is still not out of the woods by any means. In her short life, Dahlia has taught me so much already. She has taught me to never ever take anything for granted. Now, I would give anything just for a normal, mundane day with whiny kids and a mountain of dirty dishes. She has taught me what is really important in this life. I am grateful for the two precious weeks I had with her at home. I am grateful I got to cuddle, and love her. If I had known what lurked around the corner I would have never put her down. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that she is God's hands, please keep her in your prayers.

2 weeks old

It's been a tiring two weeks with nights blurring into days, but I'm loving every minute of the newborn sweetness that will be gone in the blink of an eye.

Ava and Dahlia

Today was the first day I was on my own with the kids and the baby. My parents were here all last week and were such a big help! Luckily I still have a little helper around here. Ava loves holding the baby; she will rock her and sing to her. Thanks to Ava my first day alone went pretty good.